Spite
by zalrb
Summary: What happens when a jealous Kai finds out that Bonnie Bennett, the only woman he's ever had strong feelings for, had an ... intimate moment with Damon Salvatore? And what happens when Bonnie Bennett tries to play on that jealousy to rid herself of the only man who inspires such ravenous passion in her because he also inspires profound darkness? Read and find out!
1. Chapter 1: Spite

There was no one else driving on the road but Bonnie, her car's high beams the only light in the darkness. It was a blustery night and high winds battered her jeep, stubbornly trying to push it into the shrubbery; she had to peer through heavy sheets of rain to stay on course. The radio had turned to static and the gravelly crack of thunder was the only noise she could hear — a menacing threat from the sky.

She told herself to keep breathing, to stay focused. The truth was, she had driven in worse conditions before: through flash floods and white fog. But she had never been so emotional that she had to remind herself to concentrate on driving safely. Like she was doing now. Until tonight Bonnie never appreciated guilt; its depth, its intricacies — unlike pride and grief, it was an emotion she rarely felt in her life. That had changed when she started sleeping with Kai a month or so ago. Their nights together unlocked in her a desire for the dark and the dangerous that had the sickening effect of empowering her and at the same time overwhelming her with shame. It probably would've been easier if she were simply attracted to a dangerous man instead of discovering, through that attraction, that she herself had terror in her and she relished its power. She couldn't be who she was when she was with Kai and that was why she had ended it earlier that evening. It had been a hard thing to do; loss had taken over her the moment she said the severing words and she felt guilty because of it, guilty that even now, her skin burned for his lips and her body screamed for the freedom of darkness. In her gut she wanted depravity and the contempt at that fact was unbearable.

And then there was Damon.

Before seeing Kai she had been with Damon and there had been a moment between them — a kiss. It was confused and disconcerting but it happened. And it wasn't brief. Or bad. Never in all of Bonnie's time knowing Damon did she want him. Before they were friends he was the vampire she'd been patiently waiting to take down; he scared her and then he repulsed her but then he started to surprise her. With his loyalty. And his compassion. She learned to trust him, to count on him and she started to miss him when he wasn't around but she never sought more than friendship; he was Elena's and Bonnie didn't want it any other way. She didn't know, then, why what happened that afternoon happened but it didn't change the guilt she felt at betraying the memory of one of her best friends or that she felt like she betrayed Kai, which really only made her feel guilty for feeling guilty about betraying a psychopath who inspired immorality, for feeling like she betrayed a non-relationship at all. It was a spiral of self-disgust that Bonnie had been drowning in all day and it was distracting her from the road.

Trees leaned precariously sideways in the wind; they were moments away from uprooting. The rain was a constant spray on Bonnie's windshield and flurries of dead leaves blew down the road; the thunder grew steadily louder, everything seemed colourless. Bonnie had chosen to spend the night away from the dorm. She needed solitude and staying on campus meant sharing an enclosed space with Caroline who was both caring and intrusive with an annoying knack for deduction and Bonnie didn't need her knowing everything she'd done. The original plan had been to go to her own house but it was too far to drive to in this weather. That only left the Salvatore Mansion. It felt wrong to go right to him after that afternoon and a new thread of guilt wove its way into Bonnie's chest but with any luck, Damon would be out. He was out most nights. And if Stefan happened to be there instead of with Caroline, at least he would respect Bonnie's space. They always got along that way.

She turned a corner and eased up the curved driveway to the Salvatore Mansion; it was an intimidating structure in the night. The lights were on in the windows because Damon and Stefan never turned them off but there were no cars parked outside. She had the house to herself even if only for a little while. It felt like she had barely let out a sigh of relief when forked lightning spliced the sky and illuminated a shadow in the trees, calling to her sense of ominous anticipation. The shock of white light disappeared and so did the shadow but Bonnie stayed on alert; she could feel her magic in her veins. She was ready. She was expectant. She was … yes, she was excited; a fight was what she needed right now.

Flash. Lightning. A shadow. And then —

Kai. It was Kai in the shadows. He was waiting patiently by the trees, seemingly undisturbed by the gust or the rain, his hands tucked into his pockets. He made no move toward the car but only stared at Bonnie through the windshield. Even from where she sat she knew he was smug and it irritated her beyond reason; the audacity of his presence, of how he thought he had the right to follow her. It was infuriating. Bonnie shook her head and tried instead to feel pity that he wouldn't or couldn't accept defeat but she couldn't do it. Kai didn't inspire her condolence no matter how condescending. He only inspired her wrath.

She got out of the car and slammed the door shut. "I tell you it's over and your reaction is to follow me?"

Kai moved away from the trees and they both headed toward one another until they were standing in front of each other. "Walking away from a conversation doesn't mean that it's over," he said.

"No, me saying it's over means that it's over."

"It would if you meant it."

 _"I do mean it."_

"You just wish that you meant it."

"Don't act like you know me."

"Bonnie, I hate to break it to you but I probably know you better than anyone."

She regarded him coldly and he gazed back almost in amusement. That look … it incensed the blood.

For many reasons.

Bonnie wiped the rain off her face and then almost instinctively swept her eyes over Kai's. He always looked good wet and Bonnie was hit with the sudden urge to kiss the water droplets off his eyelids, lick them away from the corner of his mouth. And there was the guilt. She closed her eyes. Would those urges ever go away? She'd made a choice. A _good_ choice.

"You can't be here," she said.

"That never stopped me before it sure as hell won't stop me now."

Bonnie knocked into his shoulder as she walked past him up the driveway but he caught her by the wrist and squeezed. The pain was instant. She felt intolerable heat around Kai's hand; magic tearing away from her veins … it was excruciating. And it was terribly pleasant. Somehow it left her skin humming. Everything about it was cruel. Kai loosened his grip. Bonnie pushed her face into his and yelled. "Why did you siphon from me?"

"I need magic so you don't spell me out of the house."

"I haven't even memorized that spell."

"Of course you have," said Kai. "You're an excellent witch let's not pretend otherwise,"

 _"Ugh."_ Bonnie shoved him away so that he staggered a little down the driveway and then she continued on to the Salvatore Mansion. Tingles that pricked her back let her know that Kai was behind her and he was the first one into the foyer when she opened the door to the house.

Even with all of the lights on, the living room was dark. The lamps and chandeliers simply leant a dim and hazy glow that only emphasized the deep reds and rich browns of the sitting rooms. It would've been silent if the windows didn't rattle with the weather and if the floorboards didn't creak with movement. Bonnie ran her fingers through her hair and then shook her hand so water splattered the carpet. Kai made a gesture with his hands and the fireplaces ignited. She looked at him and sighed; it was a harsh sound.

"What do I have to do," she said. "To get you out of my life."

"When you're out of mine," he said, taking off his jacket and letting it fall onto the floor with a wet splat. "I'll be out of yours."

"I'm _trying_ to —"

"Leaving doesn't get you out of my life, Bonnie. Just like it doesn't get me out of yours."

Bonnie tossed her car keys on the coffee table in a gesture of exasperation. She repeated her question. "What will it take, Kai?"

"For you to mean it."

"And yet me telling you that I mean it apparently isn't enough!"

"When I stop hearing how fast you breathe around me, how your heart races around me, when you stop dreaming about fuc —"

" _Stay_ out of my dreams and just maybe they'll stop."

"You and I both know I don't need to cast a spell for you to dream about me."

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. "You have a truly spectacular ego."

"I just know when I'm right," he said. "Your body speaks to me. Just because you won't admit it doesn't mean it isn't true."

"That isn't something that's unique to you," said Bonnie.

For a brief moment a shadow crept into Kai's eyes and Bonnie could feel an electricity between them; a simmering rage. "Yes it is," he said. "The way you crave it … yes it is."

Bonne didn't know if it was his arrogance or her guilt but she was suddenly overcome with impulsivity. "I wonder why I kissed Damon then," she said.

Kai didn't know how long he was quiet for only that Bonnie's words echoed throughout his body; he felt them everywhere — in his head, in his bones … they coiled in his gut and choked his windpipe and he was sick. He saw it all in his mind's eye, pictured Damon's hands all over her body, and he was sick with the imagery.

"What did you say," he whispered.

"You heard what I said."

"I want you to say it again."

Bonnie stayed silent.

" _Say it again!"_ His anger tore through his throat and a couple of windows shattered. Bonnie's head snapped toward the noise. Rain splashed into the room; the curtains burrowed frantically in the wind.

"Damon and I kissed," she said. Her voice was rough but not with fear of Kai's anger but with anger of her own.

Kai started pacing and tried not to listen to the savage thudding of his heart pounding in his ears. Normally, fury calmed him, snapped him into a clarity. He could rely on it to put things into perspective. But this, with Bonnie … everything was a mess; he was all instinct and no intellect and he wanted to tear and he wanted to bite and he wanted to kiss and he wanted to kill and he wanted to scream and he wanted to touch and it was all ripping him apart. He could feel the rage in his blood, feel his teeth prickle with the urge to turn into fangs; he was sure his veins were starting to expose themselves beneath his eyes. He was losing control. She did that to him.

"What else?" he said.

"What do you mean what e–"

"I mean what. _else?_ Did you sleep with him?"

"How is that any of your business?"

Kai stopped pacing and glared at her. "You decide it's my business that you two kissed but you draw the line at telling me if you two screwed?"

Bonnie took a step forward, closer to him, her voice rising. "I just wanted to —"

"To what? Prove a point? Hurt me?" Kai picked up a lamp and threw it swiftly across the room, upending the table it was on. " _Why stop there?_ "

"Why is this such a big deal to you? You told me once —"

"Stop changing the subject. I asked —"

"You _told_ me once," said Bonnie, talking over him. "That you didn't care if I got a boyfriend."

"And now Damon is your boyfriend?"

"You said you didn't care, Kai. Not that you have the right to anyway since _we aren't even together._ "

"Not him."

"Why?"

"Because he wants you."

Bonnie gesticulated wildly. "And other men don't?"

 _"He wants you the way I want you!"_ The sound of bursting glass was deafening; the bulbs in all of the lamps and the chandeliers blasted apart, leaving only the fireplaces as sources of light. The entire house was black with flickers of orange glowing against the walls. "He wants you the way I want you but I swear to God, Bonnie, he won't have you the way I have you. I will kill him if he tries. It'll be easy."

Bonnie picked up a crystal decanter half-filled with whiskey and hurled it at Kai's head. He ducked and heard it smatter against the wall behind him.

 _"The only thing you have of mine is my spite,"_ she said.

"And you _yearn_ for what I do with your spite." He moved quickly, like a whisper, and he was in front of her. He stood as close as he could without touching her, his eyes piercing into hers, refusing to let her look away. "You get off on what I do with your spite." He leaned into the space between them and heard her almost inaudible gasp, heard her swallow. "This. Right now. He won't make you feel that."

"Maybe that's the damn point."

"That would be the point with anyone else. Not him. He wants this. He wants what's—"

"He wants what? What's yours? _I am not yours._ "

"I don't care if you hate me for it, I don't care if you hate yourself for it, your desire is mine. Your rage is mine. Your …" In an instant, Kai's gaze intensified and the air shifted; the tension heightened. He could hear Bonnie's heart rate pick up in response to the sudden change.

"Did he bite you?" Kai heard a danger in his voice that was unfamiliar to him, that came with his newfound vampirism. And beneath that he felt begging in his chest, the desperate need for Bonnie to answer 'no'. It wasn't something he could explain to himself, just a natural possessiveness over her blood, over her body. There wasn't a moment since becoming a vampire that Kai didn't suffer from ravenous hunger, from a primal must to feed; and everything about Bonnie was in that hunger, in his appetite — her blood, her skin, their sex — he needed to devour it all, little by little, and the sheer possibility of another vampire starving for her in that way …

He grabbed her by the arms and they moved again, slamming into a wall. _"Did he bite you when you kissed?"_

A pause.

 _"Dammit Bonnie."_

"YES."

Kai crashed his fist into the spot of wall next to Bonnie's head. She didn't flinch. Her lower lip didn't quiver. She only stared at him, her eyes wide with severity, and he loved her for it, for her fierceness.

"You're lying," he said. "You're _lying."_ He grasped her beneath her chin. "It won't make me leave. Nothing will make me leave."

She gritted her teeth. "Fine, I lied," she said. "Doesn't mean I didn't want him to."

 _"Stop lying. Just stop! Just — —"_

Kai smashed his mouth onto hers. He didn't want to fight anymore. He didn't want to talk anymore. Not now. Not for a while. He wanted to kiss her. Everywhere. All over. When he was finished, he didn't want there to be one part of her skin his lips didn't touch. He wanted her breathless. Moaning. Reckless. He bit her bottom lip hard so that she bled and she mewled in his mouth, reaching into his hair and tugging sharply. He groaned and pushed her harder into the wall, running his tongue over her cut; the taste of her blood frenzied his own and he kissed her with even more ferocity, his veins darkening. Her hands were on his waist, making quick work out of undoing his belt. He touched her wrist so she could stop. This wasn't about him. This was about her. She put her hands on his back.

He moved his mouth to her throat, to her collarbone; when it reached the top of her shirt, he slid his hands up her curves, brushing the material away so that his fingers could skim her stomach. His fingers were on her shirt's neckline and slowly, he began to rip the fabric away piece by piece so that only small amounts of skin showed with each tear and he kissed each exposure with voracity, making his way downward. Each of Bonnie's gasps renewed in him his need to destroy the memory of her kiss with Damon; make her forget him, make her see him differently. Lesser. Less of a man. Kai had to make Bonnie his, even if it were for just that night. He stopped at her breasts and split her shirt wider, impatiently ridding her of her bra; he explored her with his fingers, kneaded her skin, sucked and caressed and traced his tongue around each nipple. Bonnie cried out and Kai could hear the fire intensify; the shadows on the wall were larger now.

Good.

He sank to his knees and undid her zipper, inching down her jeans, running his nose over her navel, over her underwear; he nuzzled her between her thighs and felt her legs quiver. He grasped them tightly so she wouldn't drop to the floor. Her fingers gripped his shoulders, pulling at his sweater. He grazed his teeth down her inner thigh and lower and lower until she was out of her jeans. Panting, he looked up at her and she gazed down at him, her lips parted, her eyebrows creased. He quickly turned her around so that her front was against the wall. He watched her dig her fingernails into the wood in anticipation and he grinned. He slowly stood up, blowing on her skin as he did so that she shivered and sighed.

Kai leaned forward to touch her but then stopped and stared at her arched back that was prickled with goosebumps. He had done this to her and only he could do this to her. Right? He moved to leave but then Bonnie reached out behind her and grabbed him by the waistband so he wouldn't walk away. She exhaled heavily. He bit his lip.

"Say what you want," he said.

She didn't say anything for a few moments and then — "You. Your … your body against me."

Kai flattened his front against her back. "Like this?"

"Shirt off."

His face flushed at the demand and he did what he was told, flattening against her once more; his burning skin against her smooth back. She groaned and he hardened even more, pressing his erection against her. With one hand he moved her hair from her ear and with the other, he reached to her front and skated his fingernails up and down her thigh. "You like this?" he breathed against her neck.

She groaned again.

"Hmm?" he teased.

 _"Yes."_

Bonnie turned around to kiss him and Kai lifted her onto him, her legs wrapped around his middle. He left the living room. Up the stairs, she kissed his neck and nibbled at his earlobe and he made a strangled sound deep in his throat. Down the hallway, she gnawed at his shoulder. He couldn't take this. Swiftly, he walked into a room. All of the panelled windows were broken; the glass lay scattered in jagged pieces across the rain-swept floor. The wind howled through the empty doorframes and it knocked books and papers out of piles, it extinguished candles … only the fireplace remained untouched.

"This is Damon's room," said Bonnie, her tone vaguely bewildered. Her lips were by Kai's ear and her whisper made him squeeze her tighter. He kissed her, putting one of his hands on the back of her head, fisting through her hair, and moved quickly to the bed, laying her down on the sheets. Bonnie put her hands on his arms and broke away from the kiss, gasping.

"You knew this was his room didn't you?"

Kai didn't answer and leaned toward her, being as close to her without making any contact and he moved his lips over the curves of her face, over the dips of her stomach … he wasn't touching her but the sheer proximity of his lips to her skin made Bonnie quiver. He hovered over her thighs, his lips just barely grazing her underwear and her body bowed off the bed.

 _"Kai."_

"Yes, I knew," he said harshly as his fingers teased her legs. "You want to stop?" Without taking his eyes off Bonnie's face, he gently clenched the band of her underwear between his teeth and pulled so that it started slipping down her legs. Bonnie's lips parted and she threw her head back down on the bed.

"No."

Before Kai could respond, Bonnie put her hands on his shoulders and twisted so that they both rolled toward the edge of the bed; him ending up beneath her. She kissed him and he massaged her bare hips as they writhed on top of his groin. He groaned. He needed out of the rest of his clothes. Now. He needed all of him to be touching all of her. And then he felt it. Bonnie's fingers undoing his fly, her hands tugging down his jeans; he felt her mouth on him and he cried out, gripping the sheets as his fangs descended and his blood roiled beneath his skin. She grabbed his throat and tilted his head up so he was looking directly at her when she eased onto him; his eyes darkened to a deep red and he unsheathed his fangs. Quickly, he sat up so that he and Bonnie were nose to nose. He started to move, slowly, almost languidly and he grinned as Bonnie moaned both in pleasure and frustration. She put her open lips to his jaw and bared her teeth on his skin, gently biting down. The sensation was incredible; it nearly distracted him from keeping pace.

"Faster," she whispered.

"No." Kai thrust into her deeply, making her gasp and then eased out, making her claw at his back and dig her teeth harder into his cheek.

"Kai."

He kept his pace.

 _"Kai."_

He heard it — the huskiness. Kai brought Bonnie's face to his; her expression a raw display of need and thirst …a raw display of appetite. For him. He sighed and closed his eyes and when he opened them, his pupils were such a dark red they nearly looked black. He thrust hard into Bonnie causing her to scratch him fast and deep on his chest and with a grunt he pushed forward, slamming her back down onto the mattress, her head hanging off the foot of the bed. He thrust into her faster and faster, each of her moans urging him on and without warning or prelude he sank his fangs into her neck and felt his body shudder in arousal at the taste of Bonnie's blood.

The pleasure was instantaneous this time and Bonnie gripped the sheets so hard they tore; her body was overstimulated, wrecked with gratification and she wondered if she would black out. She could feel Kai everywhere, she could sense him laying claim to her body and it both enraged her and turned her on with inexplicable intensity.

Kai withdrew from her neck, his eyes still a dark red and kissed Bonnie savagely, swirling her blood around her tongue. He rocked into her again and again. "Come," he breathed.

Bonnie clenched his back. "No."

 _"Yes."_ He shifted and gyrated then sank his fangs into her neck one more time. A loud moan escaped Bonnie's lips and the bedroom doors came off their hinges. Someone swore in the distance.

 _Wait, what?_

Bonnie threw her head back down so that it dangled off the foot of the bed again and told herself to concentrate, to remove herself from the sex, from the pleasure, to keep herself from descending … and then she saw him at the doorway.

"Kai," she whispered, pulling at his hair so his head snapped up to the entrance of the room. There was a pause.

"Damon," said Kai.


	2. Chapter 2: The Kiss

Damon

They were in his bed. He could hear them from downstairs; their mingled groans and gasps, their sighs and pants — all of it echoed in his ear like a despised secret and he felt his muscles twitch with the impulse to break something. Kai was in his bed. With Bonnie. He knew it. And yet that wasn't enough. Damon had a sick need for proof, to tear himself up with the sight of them. He wouldn't believe it otherwise. Even if he knew what it was and who he was hearing.

The journey upstairs was swift and quiet; he was a whisper in the house. Slowly, he crept forward and made his way toward his bedroom, his eyes narrowing each time the moans got louder. If Damon listened to his rationality, he would turn back around and leave; he didn't know he'd react when he saw them together — everything with Bonnie was complicated. Anything could happen. And usually, Damon was at his most volatile in a situation where anything could happen. But, he thought to himself, when did he ever listen to his rationality?

The kiss had been stupid. Impulsive. Two words that were no stranger to Damon. It was a gut reaction, an urge and instead of ignoring it, he acted. Like always. And he felt guilty afterward. Like always. But he didn't regret it. Not the way his mouth swallowed her gasp when he thrust his lips against hers. Not the way her hands lay flat against his chest while his clutched either side of her face. He tried to regret it, tried to blame it on the hangover, tried to make it about Elena, about missing her but she wasn't the reason why it happened, her memory was just the reason why he felt like shit, felt like laying waste to all of Mystic Falls so the killing and the feed and the bloodlust could be an outlet for his shame.

Elena was the love of his life. She was the woman he was really searching for when he was foolishly waiting for Katherine; when she was here, he lived and died with every breath she took. So he couldn't wrap his mind around why kissing Bonnie felt so natural, so necessary to keeping his sanity. It had happened earlier that day. Bonnie had come to the Salvatore Mansion only to find him lying on the kitchen island, his hand still clutching the mostly empty bottle of whiskey.

"So this is what you've been doing the past three days," she said. "Going on a bender?"

Damon scrunched his eyes and winced at the harsh irritation in her tone. It made her voice louder. He groaned. "Stop talking."

"This is pathetic. Get up and shower."

"Bonnie…"

He heard her footsteps, they clinked against empty bottles on the floor. Then there was a harsh whoosh, the sound of blinds being forcefully pulled up, and everything was bright.

"Dammit!" he yelled, quickly putting his hands to his eyes. "Close them back!"

 _"Get up now," s_ aid Bonnie.

"Bonnie. I am a vampire. That means your voice is this extremely loud, extremel _y annoyin_ g pounding in my ears. So please. Close the damn blinds and shut. up."

His words were met with silence and he was about to mutter a sarcastic 'thank you' when he heard shattering and felt glass break beneath his shoes. She threw one of the empty bottles at him. And then another. And another. Using his speed, he got off the island and stood at the other end of the kitchen and saw her holding another bottle in her hand. She threw it directly at him and he moved to another corner.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Throwing bottles at you." Bonnie hurled another one at Damon's head and he moved again so that the bottle crashed against one of the cabinets.

 _"Why?"_

"Because I'm tired of you feeling sorry for yourself." She bent down to pick up another bottle. "Because I'm not your maid." She flung it and it splattered against the fridge as Damon shifted to another spot. "Because it's been three months and you need to grow up."

 _"I_ need to grow up? You're the one throwing things in the house."

"This is the only kind of thing you respond to, Damon. I'm _done_ being nice."

"When were you ever nice?"

Bonnie lobbed another bottle and it nearly cracked against Damon's forehead but he moved just in time. He was admittedly sluggish that afternoon. Hangovers made him move slowly.

"If you're going to drink yourself into oblivion for the next sixty years, _fine_ but don't expect me to sit around and watch." Another bottle came catapulting toward Damon. "Not all of us are immortal." The next one broke against the sink. "I have other things to do with my time!"

"OK! Just stop throwing bottles all over my kitchen!"

"Not until you get upstairs and shower." Every word was said in quick succession and with every syllable, Bonnie threw a bottle that Damon had to dodge. "I mean do you know how crazy it is that I can keep picking up bottles?"

Damon pulled his mouth to side and looked at her. "You know, drinking myself into oblivion isn't really a big deal. It's not like I can get liver damage or anything."

Immediately, Damon knew he'd said the wrong thing. He saw the way Bonnie's eyes narrowed, the way her jaw tightened. And before he knew it he was pushed back against the wall and pinned by an invisible force and the remaining empty bottles levitated in the air. Bonnie held their position with her gaze.

"I can make sure every one of these hits you," she said. Her voice was quiet and threatening. Almost deadly. He'd only ever heard her speak this way when she was confronting an enemy. Like Klaus. Or Kai. Or him five years ago. He'd never told her how intimidating it was to be spoken to that way.

"OK just calm down," said Damon carefully. "I'll shower. I won't even drink for the rest of…well, the day. I can't make promises about what'll happen tonight. But no day drinking. At all. For a week."

"Fine," said Bonnie.

"Great."

There was a beat and then the bottles came charging at Damon, crashing against his body, piercing his skin; the pain was everywhere. He gritted his teeth but when he felt one of the shards cut further into his skin to his rib cage and then scrape against his heart, he screamed.

"Bonnie!"

Her stare was steel; unforgiving and severe, something Damon hadn't seen before, but eventually she closed her eyes and he was released from his invisible restraints. He sank to the floor, falling forward on his hands and knees and cried out in pain as he started pulling out the glass from his body.

 _"The hell, Bonnie? I said I would listen to you."_

"I know," she said. And she turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

The shower had been a quick one but it was spent with Damon's mind on Bonnie's face before she released him from her spell; the unfamiliarity of her expression.

He'd always said that Elena was his redemption; she inspired in him the need to do whatever it took so she could love him. It just so happened that what she needed to love him was his best behaviour and so that was what he gave. Most of the time. But she never anchored him. Not the way Bonnie did. Bonnie was his clarity. She wasn't inspiring, she was demanding. Of his respect. Of his self-reliance. She brought him realization, awareness; the desire to be a better person absolutely. And she knew him. Knew him in a way that wasn't his choice, she simply understood him. Even when she couldn't stand him, even when he was her enemy, he was automatically vulnerable with her whether he liked it or not. It was astonishing how much she came to mean to him, how much he needed her by his side and it was astonishing how afraid he was of the fact that she wasn't as flexible as Elena — turning a blind eye wasn't something Bonnie Bennett did. But he didn't know what he'd do if he lost her, any part of her: her respect, her affection, her presence. That was why her stare bothered him so much. It was beyond cold, it was unrepentant and sinister, like she'd _enjoyed_ causing him pain, like something in her had turned. It all happened quickly but feeling like he was losing Bonnie, even for the briefest of moments, wasn't something Damon could handle.

He hadn't bothered to dry his hair when he dressed and headed back downstairs. Bonnie was in the kitchen, standing at the griddle and flipping pancakes. She glanced at him as he walked toward her.

"Don't think this is a regular thing," she said. "I don't know how drunk you are and if you can handle cooking something without burning the house down and the only person who gets to kill you is me, you don't even have that right and —"

But he wasn't listening to her. Making pancakes _was_ a regular thin _g, their_ thing, proof of their connection; an unspoken symbol of what they meant to each other. And Damon did it. He kissed her, cutting her off mid-sentence. Her palms were on his chest but she didn't push him away, she didn't stop him when his mouth started opening hers. It was strange how calming it was to kiss her; how everything seemed to come into focus; how this was something he didn't know he'd been wanting to do for a long time; how he felt profoundly terrible for not wanting to pull away. Clarity. She was his clarity.

She pulled away first; her expression unreadable.

"Bonnie…"

"I'm leaving."

"Bonnie, look —"

"I'm _leaving,_ Damon."

And she was gone. The front door slammed behind her. It wasn't long before guilt had taken over Damon's bones, needling thoughts of Elena into his mind, thoughts of Bonnie and her friendship with Elena, of the position he forced her in by kissing her, the guilt he put on her. But even with that shame pricking at his conscience, he'd felt relieved and … happy. Bonnie had cooked for him — even if something in her _was_ turning, she hadn't completely left; she'd come back to him.

Except she hadn't.

He _was_ losing her.

To Kai.

Kai bit her, sunk his teeth into Bonnie's neck and everything in Damon shifted. The jealousy was overwhelming; the jealousy that her blood was on his tongue and he got to revel in it, in _her,_ and the only time Damon bit Bonnie it had been about killing her and not tasting her. Kai had her in a way Damon thought Bonnie would never allow herself to be had and the revelation killed him. Kai was what was different about her. He was what turned in her. And Damon couldn't allow it. He wouldn't.

It wasn't that he felt like she was pure; it wasn't that he felt like she was innocent; it was that he felt like she was his. She _was_ his. He'd known it since the nineties. He'd known it since the moment she'd pressed her palm against Kai's chest, the way he was agitated with anger at seeing her touch another man so intimately. He'd known it in the way they'd shout at each other, sometimes hurt each other but how he felt it absolutely necessary to kill anyone who tried to harm her. They were complicated but they were theirs. And he had to let Kai know.


End file.
